Initiative and Leadership

Today I was at work filling the salad bar. I ran out of bacon bits, so I had to open a new package of bacon, put it on a container, and then label it. (The label contains the contents, date opened, and the expiration date.)

Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal, because I do this type of thing every day. It really was a big deal today though. For the first time in my life, I got to write the date 1/2/06. Now, why is that such an amazing thing? It' s because once again I am being forced to realize that my life is fast approaching a major obstacle that I know I am not ready to face. Graduation. I graduate this year, and it scares me.

I have filled out three college applications so far. All of them have been for MSSU. I have sent none of them in. I just can't put them in the mailbox, because I am SO SCARED of failing...not just a test, or even a final. I am scared of failing LIFE.

I really need to get into gear, apply for college, and try to get some scholarships under my belt. I know that I have good enough grades to get at least a few, but I don't think that I could get any that are based on leadership...because I simply don't have that "leadership" quality that so many others possess.

The peron who happens to teach my government class would know about my lack of leadership skills because he once coached me in volleyball. He watched me sit on the bench all season, when I should have taken the initiative to prove myself, both in the fact that I actually could have been a decent player, and in the fact that I could have prevented a lot of the personal disputes on our team.

I need two things.

Initiative to do the things I must.
Leadership to get the things I need.

I need them ASAP.