What the heck did I just write?

Pungent No More

America has become a land of endless opportunities; anyone can soar through the clouds, if only they are prepared to take the risks necessary to fly. Being prepared for life is one of the greatest necessities of success. This basic knowledge is instilled in the gray matter of young Americans even before they learn how to sing the alphabet. Children are taught to come to school prepared, with everything that they will possibly need for the work to come. Unfortunately, some teenagers tend to forget the conventions that they have been taught as their maturity level rises. These repulsive people neglect their school work, their family, and even their household responsibilities. Above all else, they overlook the one most important factor of personal hygiene: deodorant.

The wearing of deodorant is so essential that school age citizens of the United States should be prohibited from entering public education facilities if they fail to first apply a generous amount of deodorant to themselves. Deodorant application is so imperative that it can create a profound effect on the American society, and quite possibly even the world.

The life of any high school misfit can be greatly improved by simply taking the time to apply deodorant at the beginning of each morning. People would be more willing to socialize with the person because their smell is no longer too revolting to handle.

Before the application of deodorant, the distribution of people within a classroom would be quite lopsided, because there would be no person willing to be at a close proximity to the foul smelling individual. Once people have started to communicate with the ex-misfit, the feng shui of any one room would dramatically improve, because people would begin to migrate towards the new and improved individual. Good feng shui would make any classroom more efficient, which would in turn help to increase the Grade Point Average of each student.

As the individual slowly evolved into a socialite, their vocabulary would also improve because they would have more people to talk to and from which to learn. They would be surrounded by people from all parts of the nation, so a new knowledge of cultures formerly unbeknownst to them would be discovered. This would create a new sense of identity within the individual. They would gain self-confidence, and a new enjoyment for life.

If it were required by law for every student to wear deodorant, then the world would be much less pungent. Foul smells can be very distracting in the classroom, so the quality of note taking can be horribly compromised by an unclear thought process. If the room smelled powder fresh due to the application of deodorant, then students would have better notes to study with, and better grades would be sure to follow.

Excellent grades in high school often lead to scholarships, which would help each well-groomed student in America have a better opportunity to attend a college or university. Once into one of these institutions, then the window of opportunity will open up to anything imaginable. Who knows? Maybe the future President of the United States would never have had that opportunity if he had not been taught to apply deodorant.

There are also health benefits that can be associated with the application of deodorant. For example, deodorant acts as a moisturizer to the underarm, so the constant motion of the arm does no major damage, such as chafing or swelling.

Along with deodorant’s wonderful moisturizing qualities, it also has the ability to keep stress levels low, especially among teenagers. If a student is wearing deodorant, they do not have to worry about raising their hand in class, or even about doing the movements to “YMCA” while at the school dance.

Obviously, America would be a higher quality living environment if it were to become a national law that students must apply deodorant before attending public education facilities. The people of the United States would improve greatly as individuals, but even more importantly as a nation. The application of deodorant is the first step towards absolute greatness.