My letter to this pothole of a world...

Dear World,

It amazes me how rapidly the life of just one person can jeopardize the happiness of many. For example, just last night a stolen car was torched and abandoned right outside my front yard, not even a block away. Due to the recklessness of some jerk, there is someone not far away who is without transportation. That is banana crackers, if you ask me.

Then again, this entry isn't meant to describe the happenings of the world. For just this one entry, I have decided to wallow in self pity, and beg for forgiveness, in all that I have done.

Anyone who reads this most likely knows me, and knows me well enough to know that I try my hardest to simply be loved by as many people as I can. I work hard to have as few enemies as possible, and I think that it has been working for quite some time. Recently though, my life has sunk into a sinkhole that goes down lower than the lowest low.

First off, I had a major fight with the one person I know who gives my life any meaning. For this, I can only apologize wholeheartedly and beg for forgiveness for the rest of my life.

So, here, for all the world to see, I say:

Forgive me, for all that was said and done. I know that I made several mistakes, but I am willing to try to make it up to you, if you will only let me. Forgive me, for I know that I have wronged you, and my only wish is that we can be happy once again.

This is not the only problem in my life, though. Less than half an hour after the major fight, I had an incredibly one-sided conversation (yelling match) with my mother. This would never have happened if I had been in a good mood, but I was almost in tears from the events that had happened prior to my arrival at my place of dwelling. (Notice how this says "place of dwelling" instead of "home". There is no love in my mind when I think of the hole in which I live.)

Anyways, during this conversation, I was told that "something" was wrong with me and that I would soon be forced to talk to a counselor, if I did not change my ways (HUH?! WHAT ON EARTH HAVE I BEEN DOING THAT IS SO HORRIBLE? I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't steal, I don't lie, I'm not pregnant, I have excellent grades, I do my homework, I do my chores, I work for my money, I don't have to ask to borrow money, and I don't even CUSS! What is so bad about me????!) If you can figure this one out, feel free to share.

As a lot of people know, whenever I get into a fight, I yell a lot, and then walk away in frustration, simply because I cannot comprehend the fact that walking away is a BAD idea in the event of most arguments (as I had learned earlier in the day).
So, halfway through the argument with my mom, I stormed to my room, slammed the door, locked the door, and cried myself to sleep for the very first time in my life.

When all was said and done, I had been grounded, banned from phone usage, and banned from the internet (all of which are for a month's time). Oops, I'm on the internet. Oh well, I don't really CARE anymore. Mom's gone to church (which I'm grounded from going to CHURCH too...does that even make SENSE?) so I'm venting in the only way that I know how.

Yeah, my life is pretty messed up right now, and it's all my fault.

World, please forgive me. I am tremendously sorry.

With love and sorrow,
Amanda